All married couples tend to dispute over the same things: money, sex, work & parenting. A mother painfully rears & keeps her child for 9 months in stomach. But a father keeps worrying about upbringing throughout his life in left brain. Happy #FathersDay... #LeftIsRight #RightIsWrong. Now-a-days, most of us chant modernity and do whatever selfish.. be the man you want your kid to become! Happy Fathers Day! Abandon parenting jugaad, which is a terrible classic favorite - a quick fix or workaround to use and abuse resources available. You may have come across ingenious tales of jugad in your daily lives. But this jugaad in daily lives could give rise to a ‘chalta hai’ approach when some populists take it too far driving social fabric into nuts full of suffering rebels and anger.
In parenting, one has to often think on their feet and come with quick solutions. But in the longer term only well-planned strategies based on hardcore ethics works for the society as whole. I remember that my son went through a particularly harrowing phase when he was at his best. He just did not seem to outgrow his terrible 4s. I remember he was about 6 when we had gone to nearby store. At the counter, he started pestering me to buy some fancy cards and I refused. To be lovingly authoritative as well as authoritatively loving. To walk with this balance is to walk with grace.
Then he threw the mother of all tantrums that shook my insides. He sprawled on the floor kicking and screaming, crying in the harshest possible manner. He was the spoiled brat we all hate in family dramas. I did not try to reason, cajole or placate him or worst of all buy him the offending stuff because he was creating a scene in public. I calmly picked the bags, left him on the floor where he was howling and walked out the exit. I wasn’t calm inside but I sure as hell portrayed that image. Inside, I somehow managed to dwell deep into my reserves of patience. I wanted to yell but I knew that getting the negative attention that he desired then would make him rigid in his ways.
I am sure it took him a couple of minutes to realize that no one was coming to give in to him. As quickly as his fountain of tears started, it stopped. He got up and came out of the store where I was standing, ignoring him. He tried to come and chat when I asked him sternly to get in the taxi. His demeanour reminded me of bheegi billi at that moment! Quietly, he got into taxi while I fake chatted on mobile doing my best to show him that he had suddenly turned invisible. Many hours later, I spoke to him about the incident explaining how ridiculous his behaviour was and he should know by now that papa will never give in to that kind of blackmail.
It took a couple of more such outbursts that played out similarly for him to finally realize that this tactic really wasn’t working. Lo and behold, his tantrums stopped. Yes, I suffered in the short term. It was difficult and a jugaad solution of giving in would have worked but I didn’t want him to grow up to be a demanding, insouciant brat. Yes, such approaches are abundant in our scriptures and epics, you do not need gurus to enlighten. Rather than trying to shape your child, let your child shape you. Listen openly, question your beliefs and love without limits.
So yes, when it comes to the larger picture, behavioral issues or just about inculcating core values, there is no cutting corners or taking shortcuts. Good sound planning and execution works best most often for parenting too just like in life. Start imparting real gyan instead of material dhan: Its better to stand for something ethical & be a loser, rather than a slave to whatever is said randomly and fuel success of evils. We must care about the next generations more than we care about that next luring success somehow.
Self-absorption kills empathy. Narcissism is “it’s all me.” Empathy is feeling with someone. Empathy is always “we, it’s not me.” The problem is kids are tuning into themselves, and what we need to do is flip the lens and start looking at others. We started to emphasize one side of the report card and we forgot the other side, which is “You’re also a caring human being.” Let’s redefine success so it’s not just a grand school badge or papa's wallet, but it’s also a kid who has a real heart.
Sadly, honesty is not a trading commodity as yet, share if some thug DNA parents & teachers are mutating future kids with hype and fear. Am I? So what! Sarcasm is a necessary element in survival kit when you're surrounded by equally sarcastic hypes especially in opaque, celebrity / brand obsessed mobs dumping its own cultural value systems, justifying that we are becoming some advanced selfie-driven IoT tech robots capable of sailing beyond milky way!
"It is easy to rouse feminist people with slogans of religion and women rights in danger, this is essential but not universal." A #BaapWaliBaat is smile of saving a #FathersDay from ransom #FakeCases threats abusing #498A by some obsessive and greedy in-laws (mostly other fathers). Ban #RightWing greed - save as many ideal fathers to reverse socially degrading value systems of civilizations with crooked application of technological innovations.